christiandomme:

ladiesfirstalways:

gentlefemdomfun69:

christiandomme:

choke-me-miss:

Like not to shame anyone or whatever but when i see it in my feed along other femdom stuff it just gets me really badly and I don’t see it as even being femdom most of the time, just mdom with some saddo watching and a fairly horrible caption. Like I know it’s all an act or whatever but it just rubs me the wrong way. Like if you’re into it for whatever reason that’s fair but it just bugs me seeing it next to a lot of the stuff I like as if it’s part of the same kinks when it feels kinda off… just me? idk

As an irl practice, one would assume it’s a pre-negotiated form of an open relationship (I don’t actually know that as it’s a hard no for me, but I’m giving benefit of the doubt here).

Online, it’s seems pretty consistently tied up with toxic ways of relating masculity and adulthood to genital size/use for males so that’s terrible (and related to rape culture imho) not to mention SO. MUCH. RACISM.

You’re not alone in it feeling off.

 I totally agree. It is promoting unhealthy lifestyle.Humiliating your partner is NOT okay.Being racist is NOT okay. Making relations between penis size and masculinity is NOT okay.I have nothing against open relationships ( although not my thing ) , when they are built on huge trust and respect, but  most of the time this is not the case.Most of the time people in that type of relationships are not even partners.They are like roommates at best.I don’t get why it is masked as femdom so often.The female is not dominant, in fact she is submissive to EVERYONE but her “partner”. In the end I just want to say that there is a huge difference between being polyamorous and being involved into the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle.

i fully agree too. Especially to gentlefemdomfun69′s comment.

To me a true loving FLR/FLM is only monogamous/monoandrous. No one interferes in such a relationship because it is about love and harmony first, way before  talking about sex.

Then how could a Woman pretend to be dominant if She lets any other male take Her and use Her like a slut? That simply destroys the relationship.

So no shame for people who are into polyamorous relationships or cuckolding, but to me this is just not FLR/FLM at any moment.

There’s a lot to unpack here.

1. I think there is a significant difference between humiliation and disrespect. It might humiliate my partner when I ask them to explicitly tell me every detail of what they enjoy about being dominated. It might humiliate someone to engage in a position or activity that is considered taboo for their gender. But those are easily recognizable as kinky and can be done in a loving and ethical way. Critiques of cuckolding, especially depictions on Tumblr (and I would guess in porn as well) is that it is depicted as deeply disrespectful to every party involved.
2. My dominance is not compromised if I have two or more partners simultaneously. A D/s connection is intense but it can be negotiated to have enough space for all involved. (Full disclosure, I don’t engage in sexual activity with individuals I’m not married to, so when I have multiple subs simultaneously, navigating the power dynamics isn’t compounded by navigating a sexual relationship at the same time.)
3. I am deeply uncomfortable with the idea that a woman’s (or any person’s) dominance is negated when they are “taken” or “used like a slut”. Like, that’s worth a whole nother post but let me concisely say that’s not how sex works. How you give or receive sex is not the litmus for dominance or submission.
4. And we need to be clear that it is not okay to think there is a class of people we label ‘slut’ that are inherantly ‘used’. Objectification as a kink is a long way from not actually distinguishing that people are always people, not objects, and always need to be recognized as having the value and respect due personhood. I think a lot of us bring some of these subconscious layer thinking patterns into our D/s and we have to be intentional in our un-learning.

If we really wanted to dig deep we could analyze the language we use regarding pegging as well. A lot of that comes from the same well of cultural -isms that colors what we see as dominance and replicates toxic power structures into the many corners of BDSM (including sexism, and racism, and classism).

Kink is subjective. If two adults have pre negotiated a kink that they want to delve into and support, that’s between them. That’s all it needs to be. Let’s be a community that promotes kink negotiation and supports individuals above anything else.